Has it happened to you that you’ve spend a fun night out and felt free to be yourself, but the next day you start thinking more carefully about what you did and said. The ever-present worry starts raising its head: What did people think?
It’s easy to spend days worrying about it. Even if nobody says anything or acts any differently around you afterwards, you might still blame yourself for showing your true self to other so freely. What if it backfires?
When you’re not being yourself
I’ve been watching The Crown recently. One of the main duties of the queen seems to be hiding her true self. She needs to be calm and dignified at every occasion, and showing emotion is the worst thing she could do. It’s about the crown and its authority, not about the personality of the queen.
In one episode Elisabet shares to a friend how hard it all is, and how much she’s given up for the crown. How she’d imagined a completely different life to herself, but she’s obligated to turn away from it. She never got to live the life that would have felt like her own. Instead she has to keep up the pretense and conduct herself in such a way that nobody will ever have cause for unfavorable thoughts about her.
What I’m thinking is: I’m glad I’m not a queen, and I believe neither are you!
How much does it really matter what other people think?
It’s not worth to not live your life fully, is it?
Yet you’re still nervous
Well, even if you do agree with all that, it’s not easy to stop the troubled thoughts. So I remind you once again to take a deep breath and give your thoughts a permission to keep moving and be on their way.
One thing you can try is music breathing: Pick a piece of instrumental music that has slow tempo and let it set the pace for your breathing. The deeper you breathe, the better your nervous system will be able to calm down and you’ll feel lighter. Using music will also help move your attention from your thoughts into the music and your breathing.
When you calm down your worrying thoughts and find peace within yourself, what other people think about you doesn’t really feel that important anymore.
If this sort of thing happens to you often and it feels hard to deal with it on your own, you may benefit from my program Voice of Confidence, where we go deeper, connecting with the wisdom of your body and your heart, to find out what really is holding you back from fully being yourself.